Why Facebook is evil...

5 reasons why facebook is evil

Although it was set up as a student social network site, since September 11, 2006, anyone aged 13 or older may join facebook. The site has more than 58 million active users worldwide, with membership expected to surpass 60 million users by the end of 2008. But there is dark and sinister side to the nations new favourite pastime which I feel it is my duty to highlight. And before you try the “but everyone else is doing it excuse” just remember There are 1,321,851,888 people living in China and communism still sux.

1. The world realises you are out of your tree
People that indulge in the silly practice of sobriety often mistakenly believe that drunken rambling is an ineffective use of time, effort, brain matter and good whiskey, this is in fact false. I would like to suggest that the art of the drunken rant is as old as ale itself and should be celebrated. What else would we do when drunk apart from talk bollocks. The problem with facebook is that instead of blocking out the shit I spewed over my numerous bottles of happy hour wine and happily forgetting the whole embarrassing affair my so-called friends share these things on facebook. Does it make my life better the fact that the world knows I was so engrossed is an argument about who is better between Superman and Super Ted that I fell off my chair? No it doesn’t! But if you wondered I concluded that Superman is far superior because Super Ted isn’t real…

2. You can’t hide your drunkenness
I know I look like a gurning pug dog after six pints, but at the time so does everyone else so I’m not too concerned. The problem is when the sorry state of me is captured on camera and plastered on Facebook. Is it really necessary? Drinking and driving is banned why can’t drinking and photographing be also outlawed?

3. The World knows when your love life goes down the pan
You have just been dumped; you’ve eaten anything in the house that contains sugar, re-watched dirty dancing and cried, and listened to Sinead O’Connor. To make matter worse you are now planning to go out to place where you could probably catch clap off the carpet with the sole intention of pulling just to boost your fragile ego. Just when you think you couldn’t possibly feel any worse you realise your single status has been shared with all of your ‘friends’. Plus the night out you planed also ends up on Facebook so your ex can smugly sit back and view the photos of you desperately slobbering over some Billy no mates who has a face like a mouldy potato.

4. You can’t hide from freaks
Facebook seems to have more freaks than the 192 bus to Stockport. I don’t care if you “like my picture” or think I “look cool”. I do not want to meet you, exchange bodily fluids with you or marry you for money in exchange for a visa. If you still think you may like to meet me I suggest you look at the drunken photos I was tagged in, if you’re still interested I think you need medication.

5.You waste your life away
I once spent four hours playing Scrabulous, although that probably speaks more about me being an anally retentive geek than the evils of facebook.